Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
