Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
