OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You've changed since you got that strap on
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Text me some of your sweat
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
