Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
