she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
