So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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