I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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