She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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