She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
