This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
