My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
