I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
