Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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