dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
