let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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