Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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