I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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