I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
