When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
