oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
