Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
