I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
