i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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