I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
