My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
