every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
