I need to stop coming to work sober
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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