you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize