Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
