Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
