DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
