So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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