got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
