Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
