I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
