i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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