Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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