We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
