you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
