dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
