I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
