Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
