Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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