I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
