she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
