I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
