My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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