so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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