I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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