worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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