my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
