Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
