I'm going to jail i love you
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
