Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize