We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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