you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
