Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
