so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
