If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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