i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
