he thought i was a dude.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
