So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
