Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
