I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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