Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
