Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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